


Mad Science

by queenribbon



Category: Final Fantasy XII
Genre: Biographical, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, mental illness as pretty much the main theme, mentions of something pretty similar to ABA therapy, pretty much if youre a victim of ableism this may not be a pleasant read, sort of nonlinear
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-17
Updated: 2016-05-17
Packaged: 2018-06-09 00:34:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6882208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queenribbon/pseuds/queenribbon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A short summary of the life and times of Dr. Cidolfus Demen Bunansa.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mad Science

Since Cid was a young man, the world had presented itself in the wrong color - a yellowed mockery of what he was told he should see.  
  
As a child, it was crucial he meet the eyes of the other boys. His father would hold his head straight til he did as he was told, and his assumption had been that the creeping nausea he felt was simultaneously inflicted on the other child. Looking at the other boys was, he deduced, a show of strength and act of dominance. As a man he learned it was nonsense.

As a child, his mother held his hands still whenever he felt the need to shake them. Good boys didn't wave their hands back and forth so, it was impolite. Even at the estate it mortified her. He learned from the experience that waving one's hands was a dire insult. As a man he learned it was nonsense.

Obsessive, fidgety, reclusive, misbehaved. His marks were always high, though he couldn't sit still when he was at his schoolwork, and near-constantly seemed to be daydreaming. He spoke like an old scholar compressed into a child's body, though what he spoke of was much the same as any other child's prattle. His father concluded he was dull. His mother retorted he was intelligent, but mad. Eventually they agreed they would simply call it his "problem." Neither knew how it had come to pass; both blamed the other. Both hid him away from guests as often as they could, and their burning shame became his to bear vicariously. As a man he learned to keep it in his back pocket.

As a teenager, Someone began to whisper in his ear. Occasionally he would see Someone Wrong standing in his bedroom doorway. At first he tried to keep this, too, in his pocket, but the pocket was full. He never told his mother and father, but his classmates saw him talking to Someone who was not there. He knew that Someone wasn't there. He wanted Someone to leave him alone.

His parents were desperate to marry him away, though they felt him unmarriagable -- after all, it was well established he was somehow damaged mentally. How else could these undesirable traits manifest in a young man of noble blood? They found him a girl whose parents were just as desperate as his, and warned her accordingly. She begged to back out of the marriage til she met him. As it turned out, he was more charming than his parents had let on. They were comfortable together. He began work as a head researcher. Someone bothered him much less often. She never found out about Someone.

They had three sons. The first two his parents deemed perfect, by some divine chance. The third took his mother away. The third was just like his father. He could not feel ashamed of his third son, who he deemed perfect. His own shame still sat comfortably in his pocket. Someone would not leave him alone, but he was skilled at ignoring Someone. He became director of his laboratory. His sons made him happy and his work kept him busy, even if Someone claimed that he should have kept his hands to himself. He knew enough to know Someone never cared about his wife. And his sons made him happy.

His older boys went off to war. The eldest came back quickly, and served his nation from a desk, much to his father's relief. His middle child gathered accolades like birthday presents. Cid was uneasy at that. Someone enjoyed rubbing it in his face. He could no longer resist arguing with Someone. His third son was upset at this, but his third son was young. He told his son he was fighting away the monsters which wanted nothing more than to gobble up young children. As a man, his son learned it was nonsense.

  
When he was an old man, his research led him to an ancient metropolis. He met there a strange companion who seemed more breath than matter. He asked if this creature knew Someone. The creature was amused. Someone was not real, it told him, but it was real. It was Venat. Venat would prove itself to him through the knowledge it could provide within the crumbling city. He advised his subordinates to follow Venat's directions. They laughed, nervy, and asked if Venat knew Someone.

Cid did not trust nor believe in Venat much more than he believed in the existence of Someone, at least at first. Someone seemed willing to berate him over it in any case, and the two of them nearly got in a row over the matter. Venat provided information about the city Cid couldn't have obtained on his own -- not yet, at any rate. His subordinates were made uneasy by the many conversations their superior was having that did not seem to involve anyone else. They had been uneasliy familiar with Someone, but Someone had never become so agitated, and they were certainly not familiar with Venat.

They were certain he had finally gone mad, or in any case, madder than before. He hardly cared to know their opinion on the subject. So long as he knew he was mad, he reasoned, he could be as mad as he damn well pleased. At any rate, he was the one writing their paychecks. That satisfied him more than their approval.

He didn't write his perfect son's paycheck, nor did he write paychecks for his elder sons. They were the first to go. In the beginning they claimed, broken-hearted, their father was a madman. By the end they claimed they had no father. His third son was more faithful, but he saw Venat the way his other boys did. Venat was not like Someone, and Cid knew this. Venat was a genius, a rogue and a revolutionary -- and real. Ffamran did not see it that way. He saw his father's condition spiraling out of control.

Venat told Cid that his boy would be well suited to be a Judge. Cid told Venat he tired of having sons in the line of duty. Venat told Cid that by following their advice, his son could play a part in Ivalice's liberation. Cid felt sick at the thought of his boy being hurt, but Cid trusted Venat. Ffamran was a Judge at dawn. Cid told his son that he was playing a supporting role, but one that was vital to the world as a stage.

Ffamran left, preferring to be the leading man, and pushed his mad father's world to the sidelines of his story.

**Author's Note:**

> WOW I haven't written anything for ages.
> 
> I drew a lot from my own experience and knowledge when deciding exactly what I'd focus on pertaining to Cid's headspace in this fic. In particular, I've always liked the idea that Cid has actually had psychosis for a good portion of his life, rather than the "SURPRISE HE'S *NORMAL* AFTER ALL" shenanigans. Also, Cid and Balthier both come off reeeeeally strongly as autistic, and I say this as an autistic person. That's basically what I wanted to focus on here, though I think the work should really speak for itself.
> 
> Feel free to discuss anything you want in the comments, just don't be tasteless about it; this stuff actually affects my life and I will not hesitate to Yell At You insomuch as someone can be Yelled At via text.


End file.
